To All the Men I've Loved Before

In kindergarten I would pull my pony tail on my head, jump on the top of the math beads table and start singing "What's Love Got to do With It" by Tina Turner. Luckily my teacher was friends with my mother and this ensured she found me enduring rather than annoying. Or possibly she had a secret hip flask.

I don't remember a time when I did not find it thrilling to entertain or make someone laugh. We have family videos and pictures to prove it. My cousin Alayna and I still remember the dance routine we did to Opposites Attract by Paula Abdul as well as our two woman holiday spectacular that we wrote and starred in called "Merry Christmas Bob." I believe Alayna still has the script for that show. I can email it to you if you would like to do it at your family Christmas this year.

In light of going for the laugh, I vividly remember telling my 3rd grade Sunday School Teacher that I would not be staying at home to raise babies. No, I would leave my husband home with my kids while I became a successful lawyer. She laughed. I worked it. In fact, it became my material for my third grade comedy routine.

Those words that I repeated over and over as an eight year old changed me somehow. In fact, they grew. I thought that I "didn't need no man" (picture this being said with large eyes, pursed lips, hip out, finger up and neck moving in a circular rotation). Granted, some other things may have added to this idea like losing my dad when I was 15 and being raised by a single mom. Just a thought.

Now that I am a little bit out of elementary school, I see some flaws in my thinking. Don't get me wrong, I can do many things on my own. I can change a tire. I can move myself from one house to another. I can mow the yard. I can stay the night in a house by myself without being scared (most of the time). I can kill a spider. But, I do need men in my life. You see, I don't want to HAVE to do those things. It would be nice to have someone who took on these or other "man" related roles like protection, security and driving because I hate driving.

Calm down women. Face it, ladies, we all do. We may not want to admit it. We may even believe that we don't. But, we are lying to ourselves. Don't get me wrong - you don't need a man to make your life fulfilled, to be at some sort of servant, to love you by having sex if you are not married to him, or to fulfill some other unhealthy need. In fact, I am going to step out on a limb and say, we need to act more like women so that men will act like men.

Therefore, Men, I apologize for ever saying that I needed a house husband! Please forgive my eight year old reasoning. I also apologize for any girl who...

~ has been upset with you because you held a door for her because when you hold it, it says a lot about your character if you do (and especially if you don't).

~ has asked you out or pursued you and not let you play the role of fighting for the precious woman you desire.

~ has let you be lazy by doing everything for you like writing your papers, doing your laundry, by playing the "best friend" or "girfriend who acts like your wife in all ways" so long that you don't need to date us or marry us because why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free or not be persistent in creating a bright future for yourself in school and your career.

~ has belittled you by speaking down to you in front of people or called you out on your areas of weakness in the public eye and not build you up.

~ has stood up for herself in a situation where you should have been the person to stand up for her. And just so you know, guys, we need you to stand up for us and look out for our best interest even when we don't ask, aren't in love with you or seem like we have it under control. We like to feel safe. You help with that.

~ has not let you be the Spiritual Leader of the relationship because we make excuses for you like that you are too busy to go to church or that you will get there on your own time.

Brothers, husbands, boyfriends, strangers, co-workers, friend's boyfriends, and all other male species, what I am trying to say is please, in spite of what you think we want, please, act like men. We women need it. Society needs it. Other men in your life need it. I have a feeling you need it, too.

For more information on being a man, if you are a believer or not, check out 1 Timothy 3 in the Bible. This is about leaders, but it is good stuff.

And ladies, let's act like women. Not weak. Not victims. But soft, beautiful, captivating closed gardens. Not girls who sing Tina Turner songs on top of tables. That never ends up well - even with a hip flask and a Femenist t-shirt.

~ Steph ~