Goals. I am setting them for 2009. Look out world! Here come my goals.

Christmas - Smells like Coffee

Christmas. Like most Americans, I love this season. I find the shopping, the parties, the decorations and the time with family intoxicating. I squealed with delight when I was handed a red paper cup at Starbucks. I secretly pondered shipping off my roommates cats for the month of December when I learned they were the reason we can not have a Christmas tree in our home. I twisted a single strand of Christmas lights around our front porch banister in order to bring Christmas life to our cozy neighborhood street. I have a Christmas pillow case and a Christmas Kleenex box holder (thanks Aunt Fannie). Christmas makes me want to bake everyone a batch of pumpkin spice muffins and play a game of Dirty Santa.

I spoke with my BFF Jenn about our family Christmas traditions. An advent calendar at Starbucks prompted this conversation. I told her that my sister and I used to receive a present every day from Thanksgiving to Christmas Eve. Now, before you think I am some sort of spoiled girl who also got presents like ponies with giant red bows on them, you should know that these presents were often times pens or pencils. One year, I believe my mom may have used the same pencil every Monday. I think she just took it back in the night.

Isn't it funny how we all remember random events about Christmas. For example, I remember fighting with my sister every year about it being my turn or her turn to put the angel on top of the tree. This resulted in numerous snap shots of me with a red, wet and scrunched up space and her being lifted by my father like a ballerina to set the angel in her rightful spot on our artificial pine. Beautiful.

I remember when we would spend the week before Christmas at my Grandma's home in Pryor, OK. Her tiny house would hold my five cousins and their respective adults. My cousins and I would bundle up and head to the school park. I remember dancing along on the merry-go-round singing that "Tequila" song. You know, "da da da d-da-ddda-da Tequila!" Although, I said to my cousins, "What is Tequila?" Being the youngest, I asked a lot of these questions. They all shrugged. Matthew said, "Let's not sing it until we know." We agreed and inserted the word Tequila with Christmas Eve.

I remember the Christmas I wanted a Cabbage Patch Doll. That year, these toys were all the rage. My sister and I were dying to get our very own. We opened all of our presents - a Cabbage Patch dresser, a Cabbage Patch bunk bed, a Cabbage Patch diaper bag... No stinking doll. I was trying not to cry. Then, my mother told us to look behind the couch. There were two odd shaped presents, and we knew what they were. We tore them open as fast as we could. My sister's new baby had blond yarn hair, big blue eyes and her name was something beautiful like Denise (when you are 5, that is beautiful). I opened mine, and my baby was a he. A black, bald boy named "Tyree." Nothing against the African American Cabbage Patch Dolls, but that wasn't quite what I was expecting. However, I didn't care. He was mine to love.

This year, I am excited about spending Christmas with the newest members of our family - Jesse and Josiah. I am excited about seeing friends who I rarely get to see. I am excited that this is my last Christmas alone (I am setting my mind on what I have faith God will provide). I am excited that I can soak in the hot tub, read a good book and sleep in.

Most importantly, I am excited that I get to worship the fact that my savior, Jesus Christ, was born. He came with me in mind. He lived a blameless life, and yet, he took on all my shame because he loves me. That birth is just as important as his death. Praise God for Jesus.

To All the Men I've Loved Before

In kindergarten I would pull my pony tail on my head, jump on the top of the math beads table and start singing "What's Love Got to do With It" by Tina Turner. Luckily my teacher was friends with my mother and this ensured she found me enduring rather than annoying. Or possibly she had a secret hip flask.

I don't remember a time when I did not find it thrilling to entertain or make someone laugh. We have family videos and pictures to prove it. My cousin Alayna and I still remember the dance routine we did to Opposites Attract by Paula Abdul as well as our two woman holiday spectacular that we wrote and starred in called "Merry Christmas Bob." I believe Alayna still has the script for that show. I can email it to you if you would like to do it at your family Christmas this year.

In light of going for the laugh, I vividly remember telling my 3rd grade Sunday School Teacher that I would not be staying at home to raise babies. No, I would leave my husband home with my kids while I became a successful lawyer. She laughed. I worked it. In fact, it became my material for my third grade comedy routine.

Those words that I repeated over and over as an eight year old changed me somehow. In fact, they grew. I thought that I "didn't need no man" (picture this being said with large eyes, pursed lips, hip out, finger up and neck moving in a circular rotation). Granted, some other things may have added to this idea like losing my dad when I was 15 and being raised by a single mom. Just a thought.

Now that I am a little bit out of elementary school, I see some flaws in my thinking. Don't get me wrong, I can do many things on my own. I can change a tire. I can move myself from one house to another. I can mow the yard. I can stay the night in a house by myself without being scared (most of the time). I can kill a spider. But, I do need men in my life. You see, I don't want to HAVE to do those things. It would be nice to have someone who took on these or other "man" related roles like protection, security and driving because I hate driving.

Calm down women. Face it, ladies, we all do. We may not want to admit it. We may even believe that we don't. But, we are lying to ourselves. Don't get me wrong - you don't need a man to make your life fulfilled, to be at some sort of servant, to love you by having sex if you are not married to him, or to fulfill some other unhealthy need. In fact, I am going to step out on a limb and say, we need to act more like women so that men will act like men.

Therefore, Men, I apologize for ever saying that I needed a house husband! Please forgive my eight year old reasoning. I also apologize for any girl who...

~ has been upset with you because you held a door for her because when you hold it, it says a lot about your character if you do (and especially if you don't).

~ has asked you out or pursued you and not let you play the role of fighting for the precious woman you desire.

~ has let you be lazy by doing everything for you like writing your papers, doing your laundry, by playing the "best friend" or "girfriend who acts like your wife in all ways" so long that you don't need to date us or marry us because why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free or not be persistent in creating a bright future for yourself in school and your career.

~ has belittled you by speaking down to you in front of people or called you out on your areas of weakness in the public eye and not build you up.

~ has stood up for herself in a situation where you should have been the person to stand up for her. And just so you know, guys, we need you to stand up for us and look out for our best interest even when we don't ask, aren't in love with you or seem like we have it under control. We like to feel safe. You help with that.

~ has not let you be the Spiritual Leader of the relationship because we make excuses for you like that you are too busy to go to church or that you will get there on your own time.

Brothers, husbands, boyfriends, strangers, co-workers, friend's boyfriends, and all other male species, what I am trying to say is please, in spite of what you think we want, please, act like men. We women need it. Society needs it. Other men in your life need it. I have a feeling you need it, too.

For more information on being a man, if you are a believer or not, check out 1 Timothy 3 in the Bible. This is about leaders, but it is good stuff.

And ladies, let's act like women. Not weak. Not victims. But soft, beautiful, captivating closed gardens. Not girls who sing Tina Turner songs on top of tables. That never ends up well - even with a hip flask and a Femenist t-shirt.

~ Steph ~

Failing. Often.

I am sitting in our large, extra large red chair in the living room. My kidneys are aching. I think it may be from the vast amount of soda I drink on a daily basis. Since I started teaching high school, I basically have an IV of Diet Dr. Pepper pulsing through my veins. Healthy? Oh no. Tasty? Most certainly. However, I am concerned that I have a kidney stone. My charismatic side is not wanting to speak that over myself. My anxiety ridden side believes that stating it can make it go away. I guess we will see.

The amount of Diet Dr. Pepper I am consuming on a daily basis is just one of the ways I see that I am failing miserably. Failing at what? At life. If I were to grade myself, I think that I would receive a 50%. That is an "F" for those of you who remember getting a report card. (Hold on, I need to go get a Diet Dr. Pepper - getting sleepy... now I am back. Kidneys still hurt.)

Here are just a few examples of how I feel that the sands of my life are rapidly falling out of my hands:

WORKING OUT: I daily proclaim that I will go on a walk when I get home from work. However, once I make it home from dealing with 10 hours of teetering around a linoleum floor in high heels and dealing with 100 teenagers and their angst, I am exhausted. The thought of walking around the neighborhood rates up there with slamming my small toe in the car door and contacting that girl that is angry with me at church in order to make peace.

BUDGET: Now that I have a steady, yet small, income, I am learning to budget. By that, I mean that I have made a spread sheet that contains the amount of money I will spend on each thing in my life from tithe to hair expenses (it takes a lot with this much hair). Putting my spent funds into that spread sheets is another thing. I have no clue how much I have spent at Starbucks (went three times today). I do know how much I have put into savings - $0.00. Awesome. Really, really awesome.

MEN: In spite of the fact that I did talk to the cute Barista Boy at Starbucks tonight (what is it about those guys who smoke and have long hair...), I sure did almost get back together with the Multiple Substance Abuser this weekend. At one point, I actually thought, "None of this sounds like a good idea." Okay, I didn't think that. The Holy Spirit was screaming it at me while the words of all of my friends were shouting in the background, "Seriously? Really? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?" Praise God Multiple kept his record of being a total flake. Praise God. Now if I could just get Barista Boy to love me. Have I mentioned I am open to being set up?

Now, not everything has been bad. Here are some things I have been successful at:

1. Updating my myspace music playlists.
2. Reading the entire Twilight Series.
3. Keeping up with The Hills.

I think I need a time make over. Any suggestions?

~ Stephanie ~

Scary? Skanky? Spiritual? Happy Halloween

Halloween. For the last ten years or so, I have not even realized when this holiday is upon us. Of course as soon as pumpkins go on sale, like in July or something like that, I buy one. I love pumpkins. I do remember in college when Halloween fell on the same night that the episode of Dawson's Creek came out where Dawson's dad died. I was watching it and crying so hard that my friend Kandi made me hide when the little kids came to her door. She said I would scare them all more than any haunted house in the city. In addition, I remember being in New York on Halloween a few years back. It started snowing, and the locals informed me that the ground would be white until April. I stated I would not survive the winter (much like my unlucky family members on Oregon Trail) and came home as soon as possible.

However, this year, I have actually participated in a few Halloween festivities. Here is a picture of me as Snow White. I couldn't find a little person to follow me around and be Bashful, though.



This is a picture of my friends and I outside of the Bricktown Haunted Warehouse. I hate haunted houses so much that I wanted to eat my head at this point in the night. I did okay until one guy scared me so badly that I yelled, "Get away from me! I will rip your teeth out of your head!" I realized then that I needed to simply pray in tongues until we were done.



Of course my students were dying to have a free day all day long since it is a candy ingesting day of fun. While at the mall, Jenn and I witnessed too many young girls dressed like hookers all in the name of fun. Gotta love those knee high socks and short skirts. Ladies, remember, the guys you want to look at you aren't. The old nasty men in the corner with pit stains are the ones who are remembering you later in the night. Nice, huh?

However, tonight I went to a Judgment House that one of my students was performing in. For those of you not familiar with this concept, it is basically a Christian version of a haunted house. I wanted to go because I love my student, and he invited me. I thought it would be cheesy and not so good. Instead, I left wanting to change the world.

That doesn't mean there wasn't some cheese factor, but I learned a few things. When the actor playing satan is spitting lies at us from his all black hell set, I have an urge to rebuke him in the name of Jesus Christ. But how come when satan tries to send me the lies saying things about how God doesn't really love me or that I will never be pretty enough to be married or whatever the case don't I feel the same need to rebuke with the name of Jesus and with scripture?

I am going to eat the candy that the kids didn't come get. Have a fantastic day, my dear Friends.

~ Steph ~

Collage of People and Hair

I watched the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders reality show tonight with my good friend. As we sat and ate the mint chocolate chip ice cream that her husband had delivered to us as we sat on the couch, the women on the show were being poked, prodded, and dunked in water to calculate their percentage of body fat. The show only got better after one girl was told that her nails, hair and dance style made her look like a stripper and the girls had to try on the infamous uniform.

I was watching and thought, "Where are their friends?!?!" As these young women were going through a form a torture that could only be equal to something like seeing your extremely cute ex-boyfriend in line at the bank when you have not washed your hair in two days and put on yesterday's clothes, I wanted to reach over, grab their skinny 10% body fat hands and say, "You don't have to do this! Let's go shoe shopping instead." That seems like it would be much more fun and less humiliating. However, none of this will effect the fact that I will continue watching the show.

You see, I have some of the most amazing friends in the world. I must say that they are some of the most drastically different people you will ever meet. Take Jenn. She is the blonde haired, pre-K teaching ballerina. She has a hope chest filled with cherry dishes and matching tea towels. She loves Focus on the Family, and she reads children's books for fun. She even sent me a text message recently asking me if I would disown her if she bought herself a Christmas sweater to wear in her classroom. I said no, but it would give me free reign to make fun of her for the rest of her life.

Now take Lealyn. Once, Lealyn drew a picture of the female anatomy on my mirror to teach a simple lesson to our engaged roommate. She enjoys a good cigar, and she can also make a mean banana pudding. She lives a life out of some sort of twisted trust. Once when spending the night at her house, she stated, "We were robbed a few weeks back. The man tried to hit my Grandpa with a baseball bat. But, we still don't lock the doors. We are safe here." I didn't sleep all night long.

Of course I can not make a list of my friends without discussing my Megan Busby. Megan has moved to Germany with her husband and two boys. She just found out that is she is pregnant with a girl! Yea! However, Megan thinks a great name for a little girl is Prudence. Her favorite desert is astronaut ice cream, hot rollers are her every day hair care, and panty hose go with everything including jeans. She grows her own herbs in her garden and loves the Asian food market. She thinks she is Asian because her maiden name was Rice. I just let her believe that.

These are just a few of the collage of people that have made up my life. These three women will stand beside me one day when I say "I do," will have my children named after them, will room next to me at the old woman's home, and will make sure I never, ever have a panty line. They don't care that I am the friend who talks in her sleep, can't smell a single thing, wears a uniform of dresses with jeans and heels, gets car sick, cries at all movies including High School Musical 3, sends them podcasts to listen to on a daily basis, and falls asleep even when they are talking. We all make each other's lives fantastic. I wouldn't trade them for all the chocolate in the world.

Jenn and I. She has really blonde hair. I was NOT lying.

Lealyn, Megan, and Myself.

That is all for this post. I must dry my hair and get ready for the students tomorrow. I was super mean today. Word to the wise, if you ever have my class, make sure that you do your homework.

~ Stephanie ~

This One's for the Ladies

Vampires. These "creatures" are not the type that I would normally ponder. Until recently when I began to read the Twilight Saga* by Stephenie Meyers (she spells her name in an odd fashion). These books are about the "creatures" mentioned above. The blood suckers. The leaches. The immortal. The intriguing. The charismatic. The vampires.

There is much to write about my level of enjoyment for this series. However, in order to not spoil anything for those who have not read these books, I will solely focus on one character - Edward. After reading about Edward Cullen, my roommate and I have both proclaimed our desire to marry a vampire. She, being in a serious relationship currently, has asked her boyfriend if there is any possibility he may be one. He says no, but I believe she is still holding out. On Wednesday night, I told my pastor I wanted to marry a vampire. He laughed. I don't think he realized I was serious.

Of course, there are some undesirable characteristics of Mr. Cullen. His skin is cold. He does not enjoy human food. He does drink blood. These are a small price to play for the characteristics that make him wanted by each and every intelligent, grown woman that I have talked to who has read these books. Now, that is four women including myself, but for a series of teen pop culture books, that is a lot. So, what is it that makes Edward Cullen so irresistible?

One word - Devotion.

Edward is handsome, rich, strong, fast, and suave. He comes from a good family, and he has strong moral character. These things add to who his character is, but it is the devotion Edward has to his Love, Bella, that stirs the hearts of women. The moment I felt myself wish that Edward might be real came on a night he saved her from impeding danger. He shows up, out of nowhere, and he defends and rescues her. He does not ask for anything in return. There is also a moment when his devotion leads him to open himself up to her and share with her about himself in a way that he has not shared before.



Of course he loves her. He loves her enough to leave when he believes it is what is best. He loves her enough to put aside his desires as a man to protect and honor her. That loves comes from his devotion to her. He is devoted to this woman. No matter if she walks away from him, he will still go to battle for her, cling to her, and honor her.

There is something within the hearts of women that stirs when we begin to know Edward. It awakens our longings. It heightens our senses. It pushes us into a part of our our lives where we feel weak and wish our own Edward would rescue us by showing up in the nick of time, opening the door to his Volvo, and saying, "Get in." It is easy for us all to let that simply scratch the surface. We read and wish that our lives had an Edward (especially when you are single at 27 and reading teen pop literature... it makes you wish you just had a life). We want a significant other who will care for us that way.

But that is not what stirs us.

No, Ladies. That is not it at all. The stirring, the longing, and the rapid heartbeat comes because the characteristics of Edward reflect God. Some may find it blasphemous to compare the Creator of the Heavens and Earth to a vampire, but you must see the similarities. Edward fought for his true love, bathed her in affection, watched her as she slept, carried her when she was weak, stood up to anything that sought to destroy their relationship, clothed her with honor and grace, and loved her more than anything else on the planet.

That is how God sees us. He rescues us without us even having to ask. He protects our integrity. He loves our vulnerability. He laughs when we make a joke. The Bible actually says he is enthralled by our beauty. This is the God we serve.

My advice? Ladies, let God captivate and woo you. Let him hold your hand and whisper in your ear. Married, dating, or single, it does not matter. God's place can never be filled by a human. Even though we have been created to be held in the arms of a man, our hearts are created to be held in the hands of God.

Gentlemen, get the book and become someone's Edward. But, make sure she loves you, too. Watching someone sleep who does not love you is called stalking.

* I would like record to state that in spite of the controversy some Christians may stir up in light of the evil surrounding vampires, I am not going to tell you that these books are wrong for you to read. In fact, I think that if you are a Christian man or woman who has never struggled with the thought of drinking blood or biting people's necks, you should give them a try. I understand we should flee the very hint of evil, but in this society, that is hard line to draw on books like this where the hint of sex is between married couples only, those who are thought to always be bad stand up for human life, and where family is seen as beautiful and necessary to survival. What about the witchcraft used by the Fairy Godmother in Cinderella? Shall we ban that as well? I will rest my case now.

The Difference 375 Days Can Make...

A little over one year ago I wrote my last blog post. That is changing. I have decided to write. Write. Write. Write. Write. I need the unwinding. I need the moment to reflect. I crave it.

Since my last post I have changed churches, quit Starbucks, left my Claire, lived at camp, gotten cankles, moved in with a flight attendant and two cats, fallen in love with Oklahoma City, now drive a car with heated seats, darkened my hair, seen a miracle happen, and become a high school teacher. I have also fallen more in love with Jesus.

This will be good for us all.